So I went to the bathroom in the library the other day, and walked into a stall. I shut the door and saw an ad taped onto it that said, "Female roommates wanted."
Yeah...
I kind of stood there frowning at it for a bit thinking to myself, "Wait a minute.... wtf?"
After a few moments, I walked out of the bathroom to check the sign on the door, and it had an awesome picture of a stick figure in a triangular dress and was labled "Women." I thought to myself, "Dammit!" and hurriedly snuck into the other bathroom before anyone noticed.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Social Situations
So one night, I finish studying, and want to eat some dinner. I call up my friend and ask if he would like eat with me. He tells me he is going to be eating with two other friends of ours who will be cooking food, and that I should call them and inquire about it. He also suggested that I pretend I didn't know anything about it, and just ask them whether they would like to go eat dinner.
I decide that asking them whether they would like to eat with me when I already knew they were cooking dinner was being deceptive, and that I should just be straightforward and ask if I could "get in" and join them for dinner. After some slight hesitation, my friend responded 'yes' to my request.
Once I hung up, I began thinking about what I just did. I had asked them whether I could join them for dinner, but unfortunately, as friends, this question essentially forces them to respond with a 'yes,' else they would sound like douches.
That wasn't what I wanted though. I didn't want to force them into saying 'yes,' I wanted an honest response. So what is the alternative? Feigning ignorance and just asking if they wanted to go eat.
This alternative troubles me though. As I mentioned before, it feels deceptive. My friends are responding to me thinking I don't know about their plans, so it's as if I were testing them to see how they would respond. Is there another alternative? Perhaps if the first friend I had called had not even told me about the dinner plan at all, then none of this would have occured.
Thinking about these alternatives, one thing becomes clear. Each option simply places the burden upon different people:
I decide that asking them whether they would like to eat with me when I already knew they were cooking dinner was being deceptive, and that I should just be straightforward and ask if I could "get in" and join them for dinner. After some slight hesitation, my friend responded 'yes' to my request.
Once I hung up, I began thinking about what I just did. I had asked them whether I could join them for dinner, but unfortunately, as friends, this question essentially forces them to respond with a 'yes,' else they would sound like douches.
That wasn't what I wanted though. I didn't want to force them into saying 'yes,' I wanted an honest response. So what is the alternative? Feigning ignorance and just asking if they wanted to go eat.
This alternative troubles me though. As I mentioned before, it feels deceptive. My friends are responding to me thinking I don't know about their plans, so it's as if I were testing them to see how they would respond. Is there another alternative? Perhaps if the first friend I had called had not even told me about the dinner plan at all, then none of this would have occured.
Thinking about these alternatives, one thing becomes clear. Each option simply places the burden upon different people:
- Being straightforward and asking my friends if I can join in on their dinner places the burden on them, because it makes it difficult for them to say no when they have reason to.
- Pretending I don't know anything about their dinner plans places the burden on myself, because I am forced to act in a deceptive manner, and there is the possibility that I will have to deal with a rejection based on the assumption that I had no foreknowledge of their plans.
- Having my first friend not telling me about the dinner plan at all places the burden on him, because he is forced to be deceptive himself, trying to find a way to reject my request to eat with him without revealing anything or appearing rude.
So after thinking it through, I decided option 2 would be the best for me. Allowing my friends the option to say 'no' without feeling pressured is of higher priority for me, even if it requires being less honest and straightforward. In addition, I usually don't take decisions of this type personally, so if I were rejected, it wouldn't effect me much.
This experience got me thinking about social situations in general. Being straightforward and honest is the way I prefer to approach things, but this approach doesn't necessarily yield positive results, and can cause people to view you as being blunt and inconsiderate. Seems kind of ironic.
Hmm... too much thinking for tonight. Let's hang out and have some fun?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Family
So in coming to UCI, I was pretty much a loner. I screwed up my dorming application process, and ended up just renting a room from a family and biking to campus during my first and second year at Irvine.
Since I was essentially a commuter, I really didn't make any lasting friendships since a majority of my classes had a large number of students in it, making it more difficult to make friends. All the people I met during class pretty much went their own ways after the quarter was over.
Sometime near the end of the first quarter, or the beginning of the second quarter of my first year, my high school friend Ciarra suggested that I check out the Ultimate club on campus. I had heard about Ultimate during high school, and played it once during one of my cross-country practices, and it definitely interested me.
The first practice I went to set a nice impression on me. The people seemed quite friendly (the first person I met and remembered was Allen), and they were playing a sport that I held interest in. I continued to come out to most of the practices, but the friends I made there were only friends to me in the context of the sport itself. I never hung out with them outside of practice, after-practice dinners, or tournaments, and I kept them separate from school. I was still a loner though, simply staying confined to my place by myself when I was not schooling or playing Ultimate.
My loner status began to change during the summer after my first year. It ended up I was taking the exact same summer classes as a silly guy by the name of Scott Roeder. I hung out with him, did homework with him, and threw in the park with him throughout the summer. I got to know him better, and I began to change my mentality towards the Club. When I first joined, I was just hoping for recreation and fun in playing the game of Ultimate. This eventually changed into wanting to step up my game and become more competitive. I believe the reason for this is because of the friendship I developed with Roeder. It was a friendship that wan't strictly in the context of Ultimate, spilling into the rest of my college life (which was pretty much boring ass). This, along with the fact he is also a good Ultimate player was the first crack in the stone for me.
The following year, I slowly began to open myself up and go to their parties. I started eating lunch or throwing on campus with them. During the winter we had a little Ultimate ski retreat at Tahoe, and we crashed at Allen's cabin over there. This is where the Irvine Mafia was essentially born, and I'm very glad I was apart of it. Ultimate had become my friend. Actually, this statement isn't so accurate, but I didn't realize this until the team banquet.
I'm sorry for being corny, but Ultimate, and all the awesome people that are apart of it, had become my family. It was at the team banquet that I realized if anyone on my team ever needed help, I would gladly offer myself. It was also at the team banquet that it struck me how much I would miss the graduating punks (Allen, Steve, Sam, Jerry, Khosh) and how sad I was that I hadn't opened up to them during my first year. I believe I have developed many life-long friendships with members of the Ultimate team, and hope to strengthen those bonds with those that are still around next year, and maintain those bonds with the punks who have left. I'm no longer a loner, suckers!!
Since I was essentially a commuter, I really didn't make any lasting friendships since a majority of my classes had a large number of students in it, making it more difficult to make friends. All the people I met during class pretty much went their own ways after the quarter was over.
Sometime near the end of the first quarter, or the beginning of the second quarter of my first year, my high school friend Ciarra suggested that I check out the Ultimate club on campus. I had heard about Ultimate during high school, and played it once during one of my cross-country practices, and it definitely interested me.
The first practice I went to set a nice impression on me. The people seemed quite friendly (the first person I met and remembered was Allen), and they were playing a sport that I held interest in. I continued to come out to most of the practices, but the friends I made there were only friends to me in the context of the sport itself. I never hung out with them outside of practice, after-practice dinners, or tournaments, and I kept them separate from school. I was still a loner though, simply staying confined to my place by myself when I was not schooling or playing Ultimate.
My loner status began to change during the summer after my first year. It ended up I was taking the exact same summer classes as a silly guy by the name of Scott Roeder. I hung out with him, did homework with him, and threw in the park with him throughout the summer. I got to know him better, and I began to change my mentality towards the Club. When I first joined, I was just hoping for recreation and fun in playing the game of Ultimate. This eventually changed into wanting to step up my game and become more competitive. I believe the reason for this is because of the friendship I developed with Roeder. It was a friendship that wan't strictly in the context of Ultimate, spilling into the rest of my college life (which was pretty much boring ass). This, along with the fact he is also a good Ultimate player was the first crack in the stone for me.
The following year, I slowly began to open myself up and go to their parties. I started eating lunch or throwing on campus with them. During the winter we had a little Ultimate ski retreat at Tahoe, and we crashed at Allen's cabin over there. This is where the Irvine Mafia was essentially born, and I'm very glad I was apart of it. Ultimate had become my friend. Actually, this statement isn't so accurate, but I didn't realize this until the team banquet.
I'm sorry for being corny, but Ultimate, and all the awesome people that are apart of it, had become my family. It was at the team banquet that I realized if anyone on my team ever needed help, I would gladly offer myself. It was also at the team banquet that it struck me how much I would miss the graduating punks (Allen, Steve, Sam, Jerry, Khosh) and how sad I was that I hadn't opened up to them during my first year. I believe I have developed many life-long friendships with members of the Ultimate team, and hope to strengthen those bonds with those that are still around next year, and maintain those bonds with the punks who have left. I'm no longer a loner, suckers!!
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