Social Situations

So one night, I finish studying, and want to eat some dinner. I call up my friend and ask if he would like eat with me. He tells me he is going to be eating with two other friends of ours who will be cooking food, and that I should call them and inquire about it. He also suggested that I pretend I didn't know anything about it, and just ask them whether they would like to go eat dinner.

I decide that asking them whether they would like to eat with me when I already knew they were cooking dinner was being deceptive, and that I should just be straightforward and ask if I could "get in" and join them for dinner. After some slight hesitation, my friend responded 'yes' to my request.

Once I hung up, I began thinking about what I just did. I had asked them whether I could join them for dinner, but unfortunately, as friends, this question essentially forces them to respond with a 'yes,' else they would sound like douches.

That wasn't what I wanted though. I didn't want to force them into saying 'yes,' I wanted an honest response. So what is the alternative? Feigning ignorance and just asking if they wanted to go eat.

This alternative troubles me though. As I mentioned before, it feels deceptive. My friends are responding to me thinking I don't know about their plans, so it's as if I were testing them to see how they would respond. Is there another alternative? Perhaps if the first friend I had called had not even told me about the dinner plan at all, then none of this would have occured.


Thinking about these alternatives, one thing becomes clear. Each option simply places the burden upon different people:

1. Being straightforward and asking my friends if I can join in on their dinner places the burden on them, because it makes it difficult for them to say no when they have reason to.


2. Pretending I don't know anything about their dinner plans places the burden on myself, because I am forced to act in a deceptive manner, and there is the possibility that I will have to deal with a rejection based on the assumption that I had no foreknowledge of their plans.


3. Having my first friend not telling me about the dinner plan at all places the burden on him, because he is forced to be deceptive himself, trying to find a way to reject my request to eat with him without revealing anything or appearing rude.

So after thinking it through, I decided option 2 would be the best for me. Allowing my friends the option to say 'no' without feeling pressured is of higher priority for me, even if it requires being less honest and straightforward. In addition, I usually don't take decisions of this type personally, so if I were rejected, it wouldn't effect me much.

This experience got me thinking about social situations in general. Being straightforward and honest is the way I prefer to approach things, but this approach doesn't necessarily yield positive results, and can cause people to view you as being blunt and inconsiderate. Seems kind of ironic.

Hmm... too much thinking for tonight. Let's hang out and have some fun?